“I never really understood Planned Parenthood, cause I never met nobody planned to be a parent in the hood.”
Anyways, Planned Parenthood appointment in an hour and a half. My uncle is taking me and it’s going to be awkward as fuck. It’s going to bring back some memories. Ha that sounds stupid, but yea. Ok well, yea.
A lot of things have happened in my life. And I mean A LOT. Well, to start off I moved to a completely new school. It was a downgrade. I moved from the pretty much brand new Brandeis, to the historic location of Thomas Jefferson High School. I changed from iPhones and Miss Me jeans to Cricket and Khaki Dickies. It was a big change. But through out my time at this school, my self esteem boosted dramatically. And during that time, I felt like shit. I had always been against it. But I made a decision that I guess I just had to make. Being at this school, I realized a lot of people have been through similar troubles that I have. It’s not just me. It was normal to be a kid with a single mom. It was normal to see pregnant girls in class. It was normal to see tattoos. It was all normal. And coming from the type of family that I do, I am no longer ashamed of my family. Anyways, just knowing that there were people out there in the world who can relate to your situations really made an impact on me. I didn’t feel so alone anymore, or like God hated me for what I did. I came to peace with everything.
Besides all of that drama, I quit my job at Forever 21. Got into partying. Got hired at Sea World, but never went to orientation cause I was hungover that morning. Partied Harder. Got sent to Juvie and was charged with MIP and PI. Got those charges dropped. Drank some more. Went to rehab. Drank some more. And just last week I went back to rehab over night because they reached capacity. And today I was supposed to go back, but didn’t because I came to an agreement with my mom. So, things are better. I’m only 17 and of course like any other teenager I feel like I have been through hell, but in reality, I havent. At least not yet. Cause I ill have like 60 or 70 more years of this. But I have definitely learned a few lessons for the road ahead of me. So yea, just lettin yall know whats been up in my life. And venting, kind of.
You are so good to me, and at the same time there’s hurt.
I guess I wanna be yours so much because you respect me. You respect me, and that’s all I want from guys. But, I guess I pretty much put my own self in that place. Besides that, it’s that smile you bring to my face, the flutters in my tummy, the hearts in my eyes, and the stutter in my heart that you give me every damn time I see you. I don’t blame my self for wanting to make you happy. Because I know that after all those times you’ve been screwed over, I can be the one to show you that you deserve better than that.
Her and I are friends, but it’s kind of hard to see that when you’re with her, she will always have you there to have as a back up. But I am not sure you see that. Because you’re so blinded by all the caring you do for her, that you really seem to not realize how she’s only hurting you. I guess I just won’t understand, until I feel the way you felt about her for some one else. But in the back of my mind, there’s still that thought about how you can just sit there and let her make you look like a fool and use you.
I’d never do that to you. I’d show you that I care for you. I’d show you that things between us can go far if you just leave the pain, and come to me.